Rager to Rager
by Dead Chick Walking
Summary: Don't worry kids, it was an April Fool's joke. And an amazingly creepy one at that. Disregard the author's note, but relish in the horror of the crack pairings. Rated T for Totally Messed Up


**Rager to Rager**

_A oneshot, by Dead Chick Walking_

_Delve into the demented scrawlings of a fifteen year old girl...  
_

* * *

"I always knew you were the one." Gregor murmured softly, heart in his eyes, emotion making his voice heavy. His chocolate brown eyes roved along that perfect body, that gorgeous flawless being that he had been blessed with. All those fairy tale stories about true love and undying devotion had proven themselves true in this relationship, and it was impossible for him to feel happier than when he was with his beloved. His partner smiled at him, that confident almost cocky smile that he had grown to love so dearly. "Ever since the very first time I saw you, I knew."

The other's smile grew, reaching the depths of their eyes, sparkling happily. "Just what did you know, Overlander?" They asked softly, almost hesitantly, like they were afraid the answer wouldn't be what they wanted.

"I love you." With that Gregor pulled his lover into a tight embrace. He held them as close to his heart as he could get, trying desperately to meld them together.

The touch sent sparkles of electricity running through his veins, a blissful feeling that he only got from Gregor, "And I you." He nestled into Gregor's chest, feeling the strong beat of that heart, strong and pure. His heart on the other hand was fluttering madly, lost in the ecstasy of his love. "Never leave me."

Gregor laughed quietly, "As if I could," he answered, lips pressed into the neck of his most precious person in the world. "You're my sun, my moon, and the air I breath." His hands wound into thick luxurious fur on the other's neck. A soft purr escaped the gnawer's mouth at the caress.

"Promise?"

"Rager to rager."

.x.o.X.O.X.o.x.

Ripred woke screaming. As soon as he was fully awake he sat bolt upright, breathing heavy, sweating as though he had been fleeing from something terrifying. Gods knew he wished it were that. "What the bloody hell?!" He hissed under his breath, disgusted beyond all measure or comprehension. He had the most screwed up subconscious ever, seriously. The dream about nacho cheese and shiner tea parties had been bad enough, but this was unacceptable.

"What's the matter, Ripred?" A concerned, sleep thickened voice murmured from beside him.

"I'm going to kill myself," he answered. God, that had really been disturbing.

"Why?"

"Trust me," Ripred muttered, laying back down, "You don't want to know."

"Nacho cheese?" The other questioned.

Ripred shook his head, "Worse."

"Ouch," He pet the gnawer on the head sympathetically, "Just try to get some sleep, sweetheart."

"I'll do my best Mareth."

.x.o.X.O.X.o.x.

He was a hardened warrior, a veteran of many battles, but when he awoke his heart was pounding harder than it had ever beat before. "Great Sandwich, please have mercy upon me," Mareth breathed.

The man buried his face in the bed he was laying on, and tried frantically to erase the horrifying mental image that his own treacherous brain had foisted upon him.

"Aw, did my little warrior have a bad dream?" A soft voice crooned, lips brushed Mareth's neck. "Don't worry, Hamnet will make it all better."

.x.o.X.O.X.o.x.

"In the name of all things good!" Hamnet gasped, pounding his head with both fists. "What have I done to deserve such loathsome night terrors!?" It was the continuing of his curse. Yet another nightmare to torment him in his guilt. He had been having the most terrible dreams since he had run away from Regalia. The worst had been just after the flooding of the Garden, that is...until now. This dream ranked top on his list of horrors.

Rolling over he reached for the warm body that was his only source of comfort in these dark torturous times. Arms holding the the other close he murmured, "You're the only one I have left..." The nibbler nestled deep against Hamnet's chest. "Cartesian..."

.x.o.X.O.X.o.x.

A squeal escaped the nibbler. He jerked violently into consciousness and looked around frantically, "Where are the others?!" he exclaimed. More frightened by the fact that he was alone in a dark pit far from where he remembered last falling asleep, than the dream which had prompted him into wakefullness. Although, come to think of it, that had been bizarre. Who was that human anyway?

Cartesian shrugged, and attributed the odd dream to the fumes in the Fire Lands. But...he was no longer in the Fire Lands. It was cool here, and the air was clear, in fact...this pit reminded him of the ones found near the tunnels of Regalia. Was he near Regalia? How had he gotten here? And a more pressing question,

"Where are the others?!"

"Oh, don't worry about them, my darling," purred a slick voice from a nearby tunnel.

Cartesian turned his still sleep fogged eyes toward the sound of the melodious voice. "You." His said accusingly, recognizing the gnawer. Eyes narrowed in hatred.

"Now, don't be so cold, dearest," She admonished, "The others are gone. Dead, I believe. You, however, were saved."

"Why?" Cartesian demanded furiously, "I would rather have died alongside my friends and family! Better to die with honor than be tortured by a she-devil such as you."

She looks genuinely hurt and shocked, "Do not say such things! Although I do appreciate the compliment. I would never dream of hurting you. You were saved because I couldn't bear the thought of you dying." She walked closer to Cartesian, her heart in her eyes.

Realization hit Cartesian like he had been tossed in the Waterway. Cold. Sudden. Frightening. "Um...that is flattering and all...but um..." He backed up hurriedly.

"Don't!" Twirltongue cried, "I love you!"

.x.o.X.O.X.o.x.

The shriek could be heard in the Uncharted Lands. Miles and miles away the Serpents were woken from their deep underwater slumber by the sound of an outraged female gnawer.

"What the hell?!" Twirltongue raved, furious with herself and every particle of matter around her.

"Twirly, it was just a dream," a quiet voice said from beside her, "don't worry, they happen to me all the time. Just ask them to wipe their feet before they come in, okay?"

The slender silver gnawer stared at the enormous gnawer beside her. A mountain of white fur smiled back at her.

Without a second of hesitation Twirltongue rushed to the nearest wall and smashed her face into it. Blinking she looked around, and, still seeing the Bane gazing at her in adoration, she continued.

"Why. Won't. I. Wake. Up!" She exclaimed, punctuating each word by bashing her head into the stone wall.

The Bane watched her for a few moments, amused by the game his lover had come up with. Then, tired of watching her attempt to wake up from the living nightmare, he curled up to go back to sleep.

He had been having the most wonderful dream about a large black flier...

* * *

**Greetings to my fans, and my friends! You will notice this is the only thing I've released since my return. That is because it is the only thing I will be releasing.**

**I consider this to be my greatest work, and cannot imagine aspiring to anything higher than this piece of fantastic literature. This is my pinacle. It all goes down hill from here. I am sorry if you are dissappointed that I will not be completing any of my other works, however, comparing the writing and storyline in this piece and my others I merely get discouraged. I believe, and I know you will agree, that my other stories were absolute garbage compared to this.**

**Thank you for reading, and for all of your support!**

**And I hope you enjoyed my last, and greatest, submission!**

**-Dead Chick Walking  
**


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